1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:06,138
♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:10,008
♪ Traveled down the road
and back again
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,044
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:16,948
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:21,253
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:25,557
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:30,028
♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me
8
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,830
♪ And the card attached
would say
9
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:37,369
♪ "Thank you for being
a friend" ♪
10
00:00:59,358 --> 00:01:01,826
He should have been here
a half-hour ago.
11
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,628
Dorothy, according to
the rules of etiquette,
12
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:06,364
you should never wait more
than 20 minutes for a date.
13
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She's already waited six months for a date.
What's another half-hour?
14
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I hate blind dates.
15
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,707
You know, Ma, I never
would have agreed to this
16
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:19,277
if it wasn't your best friend
Edna's good-looking doctor nephew.
17
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:21,379
Aw, he wasn't
available anymore.
18
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:26,051
He decided to buy a woman
from the Philippines.
19
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,786
Actually, he bought two women.
20
00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:31,056
He wanted an extra for
formal occasions.
21
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:35,093
Then who is this guy?
To tell you the truth, I was on the bus...
22
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,460
Wait a minute.
23
00:01:36,462 --> 00:01:39,030
You set Dorothy up with
some guy you met on a bus?
24
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:42,000
Please, it wasn't
that glamorous.
25
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,802
I saw a sign on the bus.
26
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It said, "Lonely? Can't make
connections with that special person?"
27
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So I took $20 out of your purse,
sent in a picture,
28
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:54,813
they ran it through the computer
and boom, you got a social life.
29
00:01:54,815 --> 00:02:00,051
Ma, I cannot believe you sent my
picture in to a total stranger.
30
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:03,188
I didn't send in your picture, I sent
the picture that came with my wallet.
31
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,061
Ma, I am furious with you.
32
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:14,933
Think how mad your date's gonna be when he finds
out he's not going out with Janet Gaynor.
33
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:18,336
(doorbell rings) Oh, God!
34
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:22,140
Dorothy, just remember how important
first impressions are, honey.
35
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Stand up straight.
Put your left hand on your hip.
36
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:28,379
Now, strike a very sexy,
sultry pose.
37
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(seductively) Hello.
38
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,419
Hi, Dorothy.
39
00:02:36,922 --> 00:02:39,357
What's wrong with your hip?
40
00:02:40,892 --> 00:02:43,728
I was hoping you'd be
my date, Rose.
41
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:48,066
Oh, gee, I'm busy tonight.
But maybe you could try me again next week.
42
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,568
What's in the box, Rose?
43
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,037
Brochures for
the "Be a Pal" program.
44
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,306
I'm mailing them out.
How does that work?
45
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:57,709
Well, you just put 'em in an envelope
and you stick a stamp on them.
46
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:01,645
Not that, you idiot.
Oh, the "Be a Pal" program?
47
00:03:01,647 --> 00:03:05,417
Well, each week, you get a
motherless girl and be her pal.
48
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:08,219
Help her with her homework
and take her to movies
49
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,821
and have dinner together.
50
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:13,325
That's very interesting.
Maybe I could get involved with that.
51
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:16,026
You, Blanche?
Sure.
52
00:03:16,028 --> 00:03:19,564
Why, nothing would be more satisfying
than to be of loving service
53
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:22,299
to a lonely, motherless child.
54
00:03:22,301 --> 00:03:26,838
Of course, I'll have to see pictures
of the father before I commit.
55
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,642
If you're interested, I could call and
see about sending over two girls.
56
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:33,478
Great. Count me in.
(doorbell rings)
57
00:03:41,686 --> 00:03:44,255
Hi, I'm Eddie.
58
00:03:46,525 --> 00:03:49,927
It took a computer to
come up with this?
59
00:03:53,765 --> 00:03:57,636
I'm Dorothy. These are
my friends, Blanche and Rose.
60
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,271
Hello, there.
How do you do?
61
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:02,040
Eddie, I hope you're not
too terribly disappointed.
62
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:06,044
My mother wasn't exactly honest
in sending in that picture.
63
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,245
I knew that.
64
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:11,082
I have quite a few Janet Gaynors
in frames around my house.
65
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,686
Believe me, when you've been in a deep
depression for a year and a half,
66
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,688
nothing fazes you.
67
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:20,325
Well...
68
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:24,029
Eddie, what wonderful things have
you got planned for tonight?
69
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:27,332
Nothing. I was gonna cancel, but
my therapist wouldn't let me.
70
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:31,603
Perhaps if we spoke
to him together?
71
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,639
I'm sorry. I'm still not
really recovered.
72
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:39,844
You see, after 25 years of marriage, my
wife Roberta sent me a Dear John letter.
73
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:45,050
That's terrible. Married 25 years and
she doesn't know your name is Eddie?
74
00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:56,694
Well, I guess
I have to feed you.
75
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:59,364
Let's go look for
a place to eat, Roberta.
76
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:02,434
No, no. Her name's Dorothy.
Your ex-wife is Roberta.
77
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:05,403
Sure. Rub my nose in it.
78
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:16,414
Morning, Blanche. You're up early.
I'm making a list of things
79
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:19,784
to do with our little pals.
I just hope I'm good at it.
80
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,520
With all that enthusiasm,
I'm sure you will be.
81
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:25,689
I just wanna make a difference in
the lives of these youngsters.
82
00:05:25,691 --> 00:05:29,093
I wanna teach 'em,
I wanna mold 'em.
83
00:05:29,095 --> 00:05:34,331
I wanna become a positive influence
on every aspect of their young lives.
84
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:37,235
It is only one afternoon
a week, isn't it?
85
00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:43,742
Dorothy Zbornak,
are you just getting in?
86
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:49,981
No, Blanche. I got up early and went jogging
in a park with a really strict dress code.
87
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,417
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need some coffee.
88
00:05:57,155 --> 00:06:00,358
What's the number of the police station?
Is anything wrong?
89
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,061
No, I just wanna find out
where I can buy the best donuts.
90
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:07,999
Of course something is wrong!
91
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,901
Dorothy never came home.
92
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,737
Yes, she did.
She's in the kitchen.
93
00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:17,909
All right, spill it.
I want details. Yes, so do I.
94
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,179
Oh, me too.
Well, there is not much to tell.
95
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:25,316
Eddie took me to the restaurant where
he had met his ex-wife Roberta.
96
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,086
I would think going there
would just remind him of her.
97
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:34,993
It did. Especially since she owns it,
runs it and calls the place Roberta's.
98
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,696
As she was seating us, he
begged her to come back to him.
99
00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:41,098
And after he had
wept over his crab cakes,
100
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:44,769
I begged her to
come back to him.
101
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,471
I guess you're not gonna
see him again.
102
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,873
Oh, yes. Yes, I will. What?
103
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:53,011
Listen, pussycat, it's been a long
time since you've been out on a date.
104
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:57,882
And it's quite possible you can no
longer judge a good one from a bad one.
105
00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,717
So let me be of help.
106
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:04,121
Bad date, Dorothy.
Bad, bad date.
107
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,396
What did you do
the rest of the night?
108
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:14,232
I tried to comfort him.
I must have lost track of time
109
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,033
'cause next thing I knew
it was morning.
110
00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:19,270
Oh, I better get some rest.
We're meeting for lunch.
111
00:07:21,406 --> 00:07:24,709
I don't get it. They don't seem
to have anything in common.
112
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:27,512
I guess it's just like that
old saying: opposites attract.
113
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:30,515
That's very true.
Back in St. Olaf
114
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:36,221
Ollie Canudenspringle and his wife
Bridget were opposites in every way.
115
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,656
I mean, he was fat,
she was thin.
116
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:44,462
He was neat, she was sloppy.
He was tall, she was short.
117
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:49,066
He was cheap,
she was extravagant.
118
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:53,705
He was... Opposites.
We get the picture.
119
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:58,576
Anyway, I'll never forget the time
they sang at our annual talent show,
120
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,712
right after
the herring juggling act.
121
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:05,216
You mean to tell me that somebody
actually juggled herring?
122
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,984
No.
123
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,921
It was the herring
who did the juggling.
124
00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:14,458
Tiny little Ginsu knives.
125
00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:17,462
Really very dangerous.
I mean, one false move,
126
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:20,431
they could have filleted
themselves.
127
00:08:22,634 --> 00:08:24,368
I hate you.
128
00:08:27,405 --> 00:08:29,273
Anyway...
129
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:34,946
(doorbell rings)
Oh, good. Here they are.
130
00:08:37,082 --> 00:08:38,850
Come in, girls.
131
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:42,286
I'm Marla, this is Jackie.
We're from the "Be a Pal" program.
132
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,522
Yes, and I'm Blanche.
133
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,792
I just knew when I heard your voice
on the phone that you'd be pretty.
134
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:51,461
Oh, well, thank you.
135
00:08:51,463 --> 00:08:55,166
Rose, this is
my little pal Jackie.
136
00:08:56,835 --> 00:09:00,538
And your little pal Marla.
Hi, Marla. Come on, sit down.
137
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:04,008
Now, is there anything special
you girls feel like doing today?
138
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,110
Would it be too much
to see a movie?
139
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:09,147
Oh, no. We can go see
Oliver and Company
140
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,915
or Roger Rabbit.
141
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:15,519
Or Tequila Sunrise. I hear Mel
Gibson takes his shirt off a lot.
142
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:20,858
You know, Jackie, I think you and
I are gonna get along just fine.
143
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:23,194
Well, just let me
freshen my makeup.
144
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,329
Girls, why don't you come with
me and I'll show you how
145
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:31,002
I transform myself into a
fresh-faced, innocent, young thing?
146
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,437
Could you skip
the "innocent" part, Blanche?
147
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:36,573
The show starts in two hours.
148
00:09:43,515 --> 00:09:45,817
Hi, Rose. Blanche around?
149
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:49,253
She's showing the girls some makeup
tricks before we go to the movies.
150
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,857
Anything I can do? No, thanks.
I need to talk to somebody.
151
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,892
Oh, I get it.
152
00:09:57,529 --> 00:10:03,368
You have a problem and you don't think I'm
sophisticated or worldly enough to help.
153
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:06,604
Oh, Rose, I'm sorry.
You got a minute?
154
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,505
Sure, Dorothy.
155
00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:12,143
It's about Eddie.
156
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,078
You know, I've been
seeing him for a week now.
157
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,180
I'm having a relationship
with him
158
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:20,184
like I've never had
with a man before in my life.
159
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,619
It is purely physical.
160
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:28,760
Eddie is the greatest lover
I have ever had.
161
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:34,531
Come on, Dorothy. If we're gonna do
this, you have to tell me the truth.
162
00:10:37,035 --> 00:10:39,202
No, I am telling you the truth.
163
00:10:39,204 --> 00:10:42,339
Honey, there is more to Eddie
than meets the eye.
164
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:47,378
But the only thing we have in
common is under the sheets.
165
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,247
What's under the sheets?
166
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:59,723
His cappuccino maker.
167
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:05,662
Sex, Rose.
I am talking sex.
168
00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:08,132
We don't go to dinner,
we don't go to the movies,
169
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:11,969
we just go to bed
and it is terrific.
170
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:15,139
All that and cappuccino too?
171
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,679
Well, what's the problem?
172
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,948
Did I say there was a problem?
173
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,883
You wanted to talk about it.
174
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:29,087
Can't one have a discussion
without there being a problem?
175
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:32,290
I thought maybe you were
feeling guilty. Guilty?
176
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:36,460
I have nothing to feel guilty about.
I am having the time of my life.
177
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:39,530
I just wanted to, you know,
say it out loud.
178
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,199
But, listen, honey.
Don't mention this to anybody.
179
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:45,903
It's a thing that most people
probably wouldn't understand.
180
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:49,273
Don't worry, Dorothy.
Rose Nylund can keep a secret.
181
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:53,111
Do you know what the name Nylund
means in Norwegian?
182
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,212
No.
183
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,882
Well, I'm not telling you.
184
00:12:04,722 --> 00:12:09,093
How do I look? Great, Dorothy.
You going out with Eddie?
185
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,761
Yes. Oh, by the way,
Blanche,
186
00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:13,431
I borrowed your gold earrings,
if that's OK?
187
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,833
Oh, it's fine, but I do think
I should caution you -
188
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,935
they were meant for
petite ears.
189
00:12:21,005 --> 00:12:27,010
They'll just have to do until
Disney unveils their Dumbo line.
190
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,849
I'd better grab something
to eat before Eddie gets here.
191
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:34,585
Wait a minute. Why don't you
just go out to eat?
192
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,154
There never seems to be
enough time.
193
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:46,030
You know, there's something
rotten in the state of Denmark.
194
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:49,566
It's their cheese.
195
00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:53,437
They refuse to use
preservatives.
196
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,573
I mean between
Dorothy and Eddie.
197
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:59,777
There is something peculiar
in that relationship.
198
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,112
You're right. And I'm gonna
find out what it is
199
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:05,550
or my name isn't Sophia...
Sophia...
200
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,951
Sophia Petrillo.
Oh, yeah.
201
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:13,491
Maybe the doctor is right.
Maybe I do need all three pills a day.
202
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:17,295
Dorothy will never tell her.
Tell her what?
203
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,731
The secret...
that I don't know.
204
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:25,002
Rose.
205
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:28,973
There's something you know
that you're not telling me.
206
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:32,643
You can ask me all the questions
you want, you'll never break me.
207
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,546
So you're not in love with this Eddie guy?
Oh, no, Ma.
208
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,348
Then why are you spending
all your time with him?
209
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,518
Eddie's a love machine?
210
00:13:43,855 --> 00:13:48,458
I'm sorry, Dorothy.
I held out as long as I could.
211
00:13:51,596 --> 00:13:54,198
She said she'd tickle me.
212
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:58,802
You're a regular
Nelson Mandela, Rose.
213
00:14:00,338 --> 00:14:02,240
So that's it? Lust.
214
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:06,210
Look, Ma, I am a grown woman
and I have needs.
215
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:09,580
Needs? You need food.
You need air.
216
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,116
You need a better
wrinkle cream.
217
00:14:13,485 --> 00:14:16,687
You don't need sport nookie.
218
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,857
This is wrong for you.
Wrong for me?
219
00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:23,660
This is why I didn't tell you
about this in the first place.
220
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:26,596
You are always criticizing me,
you are always judging me,
221
00:14:26,598 --> 00:14:28,532
you are always telling me
what to do.
222
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:31,234
This time I'm going to do
what feels right for me,
223
00:14:31,236 --> 00:14:35,940
and there's nothing you can say
that'll make me feel guilty about it.
224
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:42,480
Boy, I wish I'd married Bing
Crosby when I had the chance.
225
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:45,650
Why? Because he was
such a strict disciplinarian?
226
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,852
No, because now I'd be a wealthy widow
with my own place in Pebble Beach,
227
00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:51,255
so I wouldn't have to
listen to that crap.
228
00:15:04,802 --> 00:15:08,072
I just haven't found
a thing today.
229
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,007
I don't look right
in American clothes.
230
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:14,278
I have a more European body.
231
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:18,415
Oh, in Europe, do they all
have big butts too?
232
00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:22,486
Hi, Blanche.
Hi, Rose.
233
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,956
Where on earth
have you girls been?
234
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:28,326
We were helping elderly people get
a good grip on the escalator.
235
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,927
We just lost all track of time.
236
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,163
How sweet.
Isn't that sweet?
237
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:35,866
Can you guys hold our bags?
We wanna go toss a few pennies in the fountain.
238
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:39,103
I'm gonna make a wish
that we stay pals forever.
239
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,338
Oh, sweetie.
We'll see you in the car.
240
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:42,973
OK, bye.
Bye.
241
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:45,242
Aren't they the greatest? Yes.
242
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,711
Looks like I've been
a good influence on them.
243
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:50,381
(alarm beeps)
244
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:54,117
Excuse me, ladies.
I need to inspect your bag.
245
00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:04,462
I thought you were both asleep.
Why are you just getting in?
246
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,930
Because the justice system
in America
247
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:11,769
is an imperfect and sluggish
piece of antiquated machinery.
248
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,071
What?
249
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:17,341
We were in the slammer.
250
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:21,945
Our cute little "pals"
stole some merchandise
251
00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:23,814
and made us the fall guys.
252
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,616
We have to appear in court
at noon tomorrow.
253
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:30,021
And where were you?
We were calling all night.
254
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:33,257
I was out with Eddie. Actually,
I just got home myself.
255
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:35,058
I wonder why Sophia
didn't answer.
256
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:39,063
She probably thought it was me
calling and decided not to answer.
257
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:43,133
It's a little guilt trick she's
used on me ever since I was 15.
258
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:48,806
That and having major surgery and
telling me about it two days later.
259
00:16:50,107 --> 00:16:54,779
Sometimes she didn't even
need the surgery.
260
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,846
That's guilt.
261
00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:02,620
Well, the days of my mother
making me feel guilty are over.
262
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,589
There is nothing wrong
with my relationship with Eddie,
263
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:09,193
and if my mother can't buy it, I'm
very sorry, it is her problem.
264
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,062
Oh, just getting in?
265
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:13,998
Listen, if you three are just
gonna use this place days,
266
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,201
would you mind if I got one of
those medical emergency beepers?
267
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:20,437
I'd feel terrible if one morning
you found me on the doorstep
268
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:23,607
instead of the Miami Herald.
269
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,342
Ma, it's not gonna work.
270
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:28,012
I do not feel guilty about
staying out all night
271
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:30,481
and I do not feel guilty
about Eddie.
272
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,950
Don't underestimate me.
I could make you feel guilty
273
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:36,787
about bombing Pearl Harbor
if I wanted.
274
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,321
The point is, I don't
want you to feel guilty.
275
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:41,358
There's nothing wrong with
a physical relationship.
276
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,928
Well, then, what about
what you said last night?
277
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,530
If you had let me finish my
thought, Colonel Gaddafi,
278
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,932
you might have understood.
279
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:52,169
I said I thought this kind of
relationship was wrong for you.
280
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:54,904
Well, it's not.
Dorothy, I'm your mother.
281
00:17:54,906 --> 00:17:57,841
I know you. You're a loving
and sensitive person.
282
00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:00,544
But this isn't gonna be
enough someday.
283
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:04,315
You'll be bored and dissatisfied
and you'll end up unhappy.
284
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,483
I'd hate to see that
happen to you, pussycat.
285
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,619
But if you think you
can handle that,
286
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:13,023
just look me straight in the eye
and I'll drop the whole thing.
287
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:17,394
Ma... I can handle that.
288
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,396
Both eyes.
289
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:26,604
Oh, Ma, I hate it when you're right, and
I guess I knew you were right all along.
290
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,372
What are you gonna do, Dorothy?
291
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,541
Well, I'll have to
have a talk with Eddie.
292
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:36,480
I mean, it is obvious that this
relationship has to... taper off.
293
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:40,517
All right, I'll end it.
294
00:18:46,224 --> 00:18:49,493
Girls, I know you're gonna
go to court and tell the truth.
295
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:52,562
We'd like to, but we
could get in some trouble.
296
00:18:52,564 --> 00:18:55,498
You see, most of the judges
at juvenile court know us.
297
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,334
I think we've worn out
our cute act.
298
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,770
Now, you listen to me,
you little monsters.
299
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:03,207
If you think we'll be your patsies,
you've have another thing coming.
300
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:06,410
Maybe some cookies
and milk'd change your mind.
301
00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:14,685
Here, how about $50 and you tell the truth.
What do you say?
302
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:16,287
Are you trying to bribe us?
303
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,955
Oh, yeah.
You catch on quick.
304
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:20,223
Make it 150... each.
305
00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:24,394
Oh, you little pirates.
306
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:28,432
All right, you've got it.
Now, get out of here.
307
00:19:30,568 --> 00:19:34,471
Thank you, Blanche.
Oh, beat it!
308
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:37,041
I can't believe you did that.
309
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:41,344
Don't worry. That check was written on our
vacation account that we closed last week.
310
00:19:44,715 --> 00:19:49,987
The bank would sooner cash a
check from Jim and Tammy Bakker.
311
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,723
Where are the girls?
312
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,092
Oh, they had a sudden
change of heart.
313
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:58,262
They decided to confess.
(doorbell rings)
314
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:00,798
Oh, God, that's Eddie.
I don't know if I can go through with this.
315
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,968
Don't worry. We're both right
beside you to help you through it.
316
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:07,805
It's not that easy. Eddie has some
kind of a strange hold over me.
317
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:12,376
Baloney. Eddie is just a man,
cut from the same cloth
318
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:17,013
as the many men who have
dumped you over the years.
319
00:20:18,683 --> 00:20:21,851
Just think of him
as all those men, Dorothy.
320
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:25,989
Become the dumper
before you become the dumpee.
321
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:30,527
You're right. I'm gonna get rid of him just
the way Paul Bennington got rid of me.
322
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:33,497
The way Steve Mendlebaum
got rid of me. The way Tom...
323
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:37,801
We'll be here all afternoon.
Can you just open the door?
324
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,738
Blanche is right.
The man is history.
325
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,508
Hi, Dorothy.
Oh, Eddie, I want you so bad.
326
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,776
Dorothy.
I can't help it.
327
00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:49,713
He looks so cute
in that little suit.
328
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:51,414
Is something wrong, Dorothy?
329
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:54,617
Yes, there is something wrong.
Eddie, we have...
330
00:20:54,619 --> 00:20:56,353
Eddie, stop doing that
with your lip.
331
00:20:56,355 --> 00:20:57,855
Doing what?
332
00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:02,359
That sexy, quivering thing
in the corner of your mouth.
333
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:07,231
I was just trying to loosen up a poppy
seed caught in my teeth with my tongue.
334
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:10,967
Well, it's driving me crazy.
Dorothy!
335
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:14,505
Come here, Eddie.
Sit down here.
336
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:18,375
Listen, what Dorothy
is trying to tell you...
337
00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:23,246
What's that cologne
you're wearing?
338
00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:25,382
I'm not wearing cologne.
339
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:26,850
But that's impossible.
340
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:31,255
It smells kind of like a mixture
of Old Spice and musk and...
341
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:33,390
And a porterhouse steak?
Yes.
342
00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:38,062
That's me. The smell really
gets intense when I sweat.
343
00:21:38,064 --> 00:21:42,733
Really? Well, I'd be curious
to find out just how...
344
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:46,103
Blanche! Blanche!
345
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:49,372
Now, look here, Eddie.
Now, you listen to me.
346
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:52,643
Dorothy has decided she wants
nothing more to do with you.
347
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:56,947
I can't understand why because I
think you have about the cutest ears
348
00:21:56,949 --> 00:22:00,451
I've ever seen on a man
in my entire life.
349
00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:04,755
They make you kind of
look like Bambi.
350
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:08,759
Marry me, Eddie.
Ladies, ladies, please!
351
00:22:08,761 --> 00:22:12,362
This always happens.
I'm cursed.
352
00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:14,364
Ever since I was a little kid,
353
00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:18,235
I've been absolutely
irresistible to women.
354
00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:20,237
I know I'm a little plain
to look at...
355
00:22:20,239 --> 00:22:22,673
No, you're not plain at all.
Oh, you're adorable.
356
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,407
Cute as a button.
Please.
357
00:22:24,409 --> 00:22:28,444
Please, let me finish.
I know I'm plain to look at,
358
00:22:28,446 --> 00:22:33,416
but everything I do seems to
drive the opposite sex crazy.
359
00:22:33,418 --> 00:22:36,419
I don't do it on purpose.
It just happens.
360
00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:40,623
The way I look at a woman.
The way I make love to a woman.
361
00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:45,596
The way I kiss a woman.
The way I make love to a woman.
362
00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:48,699
You said "make love" twice.
363
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:50,634
I know.
It's my favorite.
364
00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:58,609
I'm not surprised you wanted to dump
me tonight - the good ones always do.
365
00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:04,415
They always end up wanting more than just
nights filled with unbridled ecstasy.
366
00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:07,984
What are you doing
tomorrow night?
367
00:23:07,986 --> 00:23:10,821
I'd better get going.
I've caused enough trouble.
368
00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:15,391
Look, Eddie, can't we see each other
occasionally, just as friends?
369
00:23:15,393 --> 00:23:21,164
It won't work. It's like trying
to eat one potato chip.
370
00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:25,869
Au revoir.
371
00:23:25,871 --> 00:23:28,538
Oh, hello, Sophia.
Hello, Eddie.
372
00:23:28,540 --> 00:23:32,376
Eddie, I never noticed
that beauty mark on your neck.
373
00:23:32,378 --> 00:23:36,012
What beauty mark?
That one!
374
00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:39,082
Sophia! Sophia!